February 2010
103 posts
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January 2010
44 posts
Male friendship
*Checking up on the guys' LAN party*
Me: Watcha guys up to?
Hunter: Homiesexuality.
That's a new one.
Reflect
I just had a few epiphanies in my mind, sparked mainly by skimming through old conversations. They were epiphanies of self realization. You know how they say people with eating disorders often have a distorted self-image? I think I’m kind of like that, but not in a physical sense. (Actually, now that I think of it maybe that too lol. I’m chubbier than I think I am! :< )...
Pas Anglais
I always marveled at people who could speak multiple languages. And with that fascination…I do this strange little thing. I like to ask people with a different native tongue, “What language do you think in?” I feel like those people, multilingual people, have an advantage. Plain words are hardly ever enough to describe our thoughts, feelings, ideas, and the tangle of...
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"Leave it to fate" ?
Any human conclusion about one’s fate can only be made in retrospect.
Living constantly in the present, we can’t know or state the future, our own fates, with 100% certainty. Or even 50% certainty. The future is there, but there’s not much control over what will eventually happen. All we have is full control of our actions in the present; we have choice. And those choices...
Modbook - Tablet MacBook Pro!
iPad? Pfft. THIS is what I’m looking for. :D
The Modbook. Its a modded Macbook with Wacom technology so that you can draw and write directly on the screen.
You can either have your existing computer modded for about $700, or buy a pre-modded one for about $1000 + (depending on how big of an hard drive you want).
THIS. IS. AMAZING. Why has Apple not gotten on THIS yet, especially with...
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oBama < iPad.
Twitter has proved that Steve Jobs has more power and people’s interests than President Obama. Hahaha…oi.
No judging here…I think I need to go watch a rerun of the Obama address…I was too busy researching this new iPad.
Honestly, I’m not even sure all the hype about the iPad is really worth it. At least not yet.
I used to be such an Apple whore, but I think that...
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13-Year-Old Dreams, and Deja Vu
Blurgh. Grand China Buffet @ Eatontown. Delicious disgustingness. You ever eat so much that everytime you burp, you feel like you’re gonna puke? Mmmm yeah I’m going to distract myself from that with some COD-spectating, hot tea, and tumblrambling.
Had the first great night in awhile yesterday :) Didn’t end up quite where I expected to (sorry I missed your party Marc!! :< I...
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“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly...”
– (From The Four Loves, as found in The Inspirational Writings of C.S. Lewis)
Go team.
“It takes two (+) to tango”
I probably overquote this cheesy cliché on a weekly basis -_-
But I mean…it’s true.
It is never just one person’s fault.
I never claimed such a thing; no one is getting the full “blame”, not by me at least. That should be gotten straight.
And very few understand the situation that well, beyond what it looks like. I can only...
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r-e-s-p-e-c-t
i was never a shit talker. “shit” doesn’t cross my mind much.
if it does, it never really sits and festers…it quickly finds its way out my mind.
i’m glad thats how it usually is. because these weeks, I feel the pain of what it’s like to let such horrible thoughts build up and stay in my head.
i’ve said some regretful, mean things…mostly in an...
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happiness vs rejoicing
“…but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
In crap situations, no one’s happy.
But one can still “rejoice”.
Happiness depends only on happenings.
Rejoicing, gladness…that depends on you; your heart.
Where are you?
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basket
ripping off the band-aid, revealing what was once warm blood blood that ran through my veins, it kept me alive…more than alive. but now it is hardened, cold, dried, and soon to fall off with only a scar as evidence of the brutality endured.
you broke my heart. smashed it.
but it’s proof that you healed my years of jadedness and numb nerves.
you were the one who made me feel again.
...
“…if I have a faith that can move mountains,
but have not love,
I am nothing.”
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i want to sleep these days away
i feel like i’ve lost so much.
someone to get excited about telling things to. someone to cry to. someone to be stupid with. to talk stupid to. to feel like a kid with. to secretly squeeze or touch when no ones looking. to speak nonsense to. to hold. to be sweet to. to treat special. to love. someone who knew me deeper than most others. my best friend. family. a safe haven. a home. a...
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#worstlies i love you
i waited 6 years to be able to feel this kind of pain again.
i was jaded and cold, until I met him.
why him? i don’t even know anymore.
Something made us fall for each other…maybe it was just me who fell. Maybe he just convinced me real well.
Maybe it was just stupidity, blindness.
It didn’t matter. For the first time I loved someone with every bit of me.
And it felt good....
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To the grave.
My heart is dead.
And you never deserved to handle it.
Your words mean nothing. Shame on me for trusting you, hoping, over and over again.
You are dead to me.
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Extremes
I’m at the unreasonable point where all I want is either 1) for things to go back to normal, or 2) be told that I was dillusional this whole time and that it was all fake, all just a show.
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Fairytale
I speak with clouded vision at the moment.
Its not a pessimistic thought, but a realization of reality to say, “There’s no such thing as happy endings.”
“To be continued” is more hopeful. But it’s a more painful thought to hold on to: the hopeful anticipation of something that really may never come.
I’m not sure what I’m holding onto right now,...